Bonus 3 A FREE PDF copy of “3-Step Clarifying Process” (For Women) The information in the 3-Step Clarifying Process is only available to Michelle's Langley's. “Understand One Of The Most Prevalent And Complex Problems Couples Are Facing Today In Their Relationships ~ “Female” Infidelity”. Women's Infidelity book. Read 11 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Is infidelity women's best kept secret? Given that women initiat.
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The second book of Michelle Langley has many interesting approaches when it comes to how men and women relate, but the one thing that was really fascinating to me was about commitment. The author says that “Contrary to popular belief women are not really the committed sex. Michelle Langley's Women's Infidelity is probably the first book ever reviewed in journal by the present reviewer: women are no more “naturally” monogamous. Women's Infidelity LIVING IN LIMBOWhat women really mean when they say, “I'm not happy”Michelle Langley McCarlan P Size Report. DOWNLOAD PDF.
And I want to acknowledge and thank Beth Mendes-Reynolds, whose extraordinary ability to lead and inspire I will always remember. In order to maintain the fantasy that females are naturally monogamous, society has always denied that females have powerful sexual urges. They think if they find the right person, the intensity will last. According to her, she is not happy and wants to separate. Women often experience immense sexual pleasure during affairs that lack commitment, while experiencing little sexual pleasure in their committed relationships. That really tormented me for a long time.
As females age though, their body chemistry changes and they eventually enter a stage where thrusting and vaginal stimulation are desired. I want to go back and ask about something you said earlier. But, why? Because intercourse with a new partner is costly for females.
Since females achieve orgasms through clitoral stimulation, why would they be willing to lower their value by proceeding on to intercourse? Put yourself in the same situation.
If you could achieve an orgasm through oral sex, why pay ten-thousand dollars to have intercourse? But why would I want to? Reverse the situation. If society promoted the notion that having intercourse with as many boys as possible was womanly, she would be trying to talk you into having intercourse. However, assuming that intercourse costs you money, you will probably prefer to have an orgasm from oral stimulation.
By pretending not to have orgasms, which females can easily do, they experience pleasure, accrue no mileage and keep males from being angry at them.
Society has created a system where females are unable to share and enjoy sexual pleasure with males.
So, is this just something girls do? What about when women want intercourse? Not necessarily. Women can also use this method as a screening device. She may just mess around with him, have an orgasm, but decide against sleeping with him.
If she really wants to have intercourse, why would she decide not to? Because after messing around with the guy, she might realize that intercourse with him is unlikely to be fulfilling.
During the messing around stage, she might discover that the guy has a small penis and decide to pass on intercourse. It just may not be worth the miles. What, are you kidding me? A woman might decide not to sleep with a guy because he has a little dick? A few times during my research I was able to interview both partners in a relationship. I remember this thirty-six year old, very attractive divorced woman who had started seeing the recently promoted president of the bank where she worked.
The guy was a twenty-nine year old, average looking, married man. The guy was married? The Sexual Devaluing System 33 Yeah, he was married and his wife was pregnant with their first child. What an asshole. Would it have been better if he had waited until his wife had the child and the child was older, like you did?
I am just trying to help you get it. Go on with the story. Anyway, this man and woman started out talking and flirting with each other, then began meeting for drinks. What do you mean unfortunately? No man wants to hear that. I think I do. Society has just always been more protective of male self-esteem. Well what happened, what did she tell the guy? To make a long story short, the guy ended up leaving his wife. It was very sad. He lost his wife and his job over it. Did she ever tell him the truth?
Over a year later when I talked to him, he was still trying to figure out what went wrong. He said he still loved her and believed she loved him. He thought there was a possibility that they would be together someday.
In that particular case, it would have been better to tell the guy he had a little dick. Why does it matter? When females are in their prime, they want to have intercourse. A larger penis stimulates the clitoris. No, Kevin. Do you know, when I was in junior high, my health teacher told our all-female class that we should wait to have sex until we were married because if we Chapter 2: The Sexual Devaluing System 35 started having sex before then, we would be all used up and no man would want to marry us?
The myth that women get stretched out and used up if they sleep with a lot guys is just another one of the lies employed to deter females from having numerous sexual partners. Men are afraid that their penis is going to be compared to other penises. They mess around with them. Sometimes they find out by word of mouth, through their girlfriends and through male friends of the men who have big penises. He tells his friends and then they try to get one, too.
I once interviewed a man who had been with several married women, nine to be exact. At the time that I interviewed him, I was already aware that females did this, so when he told me how many married women he had slept with, I knew he had to have a large penis. I ended up getting an interview with the married woman he was sleeping with at the time. I asked her if the guy was hung well and she said, very well. Her answer was yes, but she wondered how I knew. Turns out, one of her friends had slept with him a couple of years before, so she looked him up.
There was another guy I interviewed whose male friends regularly commented on the size of his penis. All of the wives had pursued him. That blows my mind. This is really bugging you. I guess you must have a small penis. I was just asking. However, a small penis can be frustrating and completely unfulfilling for a woman. If men were aware of some of the desires that women have, they would have to compete the way women compete for men—hair, makeup, implants, clothes, you name it.
Men would have to put a whole lot of work into competing for women just like women have for years ensured their support and survival by competing for men. Men have always had to compete for women. They just compete with money. But that leveled the playing field for all men, unattractive men and men with small penises. Every guy knows, little dick or not, as long as he has cash he can get a woman. The Sexual Devaluing System 37 in a position to provide for themselves.
Many women no longer fear for their survival or financial support. Our relationships are changing due to the opportunities that women now have. Kevin, the changes have been very recent. You and your wife were raised by parents who lived in a very different world. Hell, your grandma was raised right around the time women got the right to vote. Your beliefs about males and females reflect those of your parents.
I think some people in government would say that our relationships are changing due to the growing independence of women. Unfortunately I missed most of what was being discussed, so I sent for the transcripts. There is the problem of modernity. And what can George W. Bush do as our new president? Do the media really want to be helpful? Try glamorizing marriage. Why would the government want the media to glamorize or romanticize marriage?
In our country, romanticizing marriage might just be the only incentive left to encourage wealthy, educated people to get married. Unless people believe that they want to get married, some will choose not to. Apparently from those transcripts, there are people in government who would rather that not happen. Why though?
Who cares? So conformity could be one reason, but another reason could be money. Weddings are a multi-billion dollar industry. When our past and present political figures preach about the importance of the family or family values, I think what they are really trying to do is condition people to believe that there is only one way to live—married with kids. Many people wind up assuming that marriage is a natural progression and fidelity a natural state. Do not choose marriage, assume marriage.
Do not choose Chapter 2: The Sexual Devaluing System 39 to have kids, assume kids. Do not choose fidelity, assume fidelity. All women want is to get married. Every woman I have ever met wanted to get married. Women have always been taught that marriage is the goal of the human female.
You just hit the nail on the head. You heard those transcripts from the Dr. Phil show. Our beliefs about female sexuality are nothing more than control systems in disguise. These beliefs are backfiring. They are bringing about the very thing they were intended to prevent. As a matter of fact, have you seen anything lately on TV about women and their loss of sexual desire? No, but I know Tracey has.
Many married women have lost their primary motivation— fear. Many women were afraid to decline their husbands sexually because to do so could jeopardize their financial security. Women felt as though they had to fight to keep their husbands.
The media reinforced this belief. Books, articles, television, movies—advice on how to hold onto a husband was everywhere. Women also had to live with the constant fear of being traded in for a younger model. It really was that bad. Not only would you be surprised, you would be amused by the advice that was given to women about how to please and keep a man.
You can open either of these books to any page and get an idea of the fear women had and the lengths to which they would go to hang on to their husbands. Here, go ahead open the The Sensuous Woman any place you want and start reading. Married or not, men are going to continue looking and a great number will sample women besides yourself. The Sexual Devaluing System 41 women who keep marriage alive and benefit most from it. So get this straight.
Unfortunately, our beliefs today are quite similar. Have you ever heard anyone, anywhere, talk about how familiarity breeds boredom in the female? More monogamous does not mean monogamous. If you were inclined to have sex with a hundred women in your lifetime and I was inclined to have sex with thirty men, how could anyone think that I was more monogamous than you?
The truth is, neither one of us would be monogamous. The word does not mean sexually exclusive to one partner. It means being married to only one partner at a time.
Females of many species prefer to live with female relatives and copulate with visitors…A host of ecological and biological conditions must be present in the right proportions before perquisites exceed expenses, making monogamy the best—or only—alternative for both males and females of a species. Though they appear to be more monogamous, they are just as likely as males to be unfaithful.
In fact, we have no way of knowing the true sexual appetite of women because we devalue women so much for having numerous sexual partners. We want to have sex with as many women as we can.
Because it inflates your ego and makes you feel manly. Men not only gain self-esteem by having numerous sexual partners, they also gain self-esteem from believing and saying they want numerous sexual partners.
It makes them feel good about themselves and superior to females. We want to have sex with everybody. Have you ever declined sex with a female? I have. Well, almost anybody. Males like to believe sex is for them. They want to believe that any pleasure experienced by the female is due to them, due to their sexual abilities. I could walk up to a man today and tell him I wanted to have sex and I bet you a hundred dollars he would act like a scared school girl.
I disagree. If you did that, you would be getting laid, trust me. Kevin, I experimented with this a couple times. The Sexual Devaluing System 43 Yes, I did it, and just as I suspected, when I told those men that all I wanted from them was sex, they took on the role of the stereotypical female.
It makes both of the sexes feel worthless. Women in their prime quickly come to the realization that in order to have sex, initially they may have to pretend to be reluctant or, at the very least, sit back and wait for the man to initiate.
A few women even told me they tried getting guys drunk in order to have sex with them. Yeah, but what did the women look like? One of them was extremely attractive. Just look at other countries to see how the law became a legend.
In many cases marriage and fidelity have been imposed on females through laws and customs. Because of these laws and customs, over time people have come to believe that women want to be married and that they are naturally monogamous. Yet we still perpetuate these erroneous beliefs. Few policymakers in the divorce arena know or even suspect the finding. The reason is that the result has not been well publicized…perhaps because of how politically unacceptable it is.
To acknowledge the result suggests that men may not be entirely to blame for divorce, and that women are perhaps not so helpless and victimized as was thought. I was serious when I said I wanted you to tell me everything you know about this. I know you were. Before I go I want to ask you something. Is there any way for me to know for sure if Tracey is seeing someone?
You mean aside from catching her cheating, or her admitting it? I want to know if there are some sure-fire signs. Is there anything else?
Shaving is a pretty good indicator. Women who are having affairs typically start grooming and shaving their pubic area.
They also begin shaving their legs more thoroughly and regularly than they did previously. This is one of the reasons women become so guarded with their bodies when they are having affairs. I remember joking with him about his disinterest in my new project. You might want to look into some of this stuff. Chapter 3: In particular, I want to know more about women not wanting to have sex with their husbands.
I would never leave Tracey and she hardly ever has sex with me. Women still feel compelled to have sex with their husbands. So, even after a woman gets married, she continues to feel an underlying pressure to satisfy her husband sexually in order to keep him.
Books are still written on how to get, or keep, a man. Yet women leave men the majority of the time. But how much of that has to do with men being assholes? Surprisingly, many women told me that their husbands were great guys. Many just thought their husbands were boring.
And remember, in the information I sent you the women in Stage 1 were happy. They loved their lives. The only problem they had was a disinterest in sex. I stayed in contact with a few of the women I originally interviewed. The very same women who loved their husbands and their lives eventually moved through the other stages. Because men and women are so uncomfortable talking about this, it becomes a major area of contention in many marriages.
I told you the first time we talked that this was complicated. There are several reasons why women feel the way they do today. The decision to have sex with a man is usually not spur of the moment. Decisions are made prior to dates because of all the prep work involved. In fact, I bet you could paint your living room and kitchen in less time than it takes for some women to get ready to have sex.
What the hell do they have to do? The first thing she will probably do is go shopping for a new bra and underwear. Including drive time, that takes an hour and a half, minimum. The next thing she Chapter 3: The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 49 will probably do is either go somewhere to get a manicure and pedicure or give them to herself.
After that, she has to take a shower, which can take up to thirty minutes, because she has to shave her legs, underarms and, nowadays, even her pubic hair. After a woman takes her shower and shaves, she has to put on makeup and do her hair. Depending on the woman that could take one to two hours. Then she may spend thirty to forty-five minutes trying to figure out what to wear.
So just to prepare to have sex, this woman has already invested roughly four to five hours. However, this does not include the time she will need to clean her house if she is planning on having sex there, or if, heaven forbid, she has to cook the man dinner. Actually, it can be a real pain in the ass. This should shed some light on why women get so upset when men change or cancel plans at the last minute.
Often they are not nearly as upset about not seeing the guys as they are about having spent so much time and effort in preparation. Imagine how men would feel if they had to pay for their dates with women in advance. A change in plans would result in wasted cash—much like the wasted time and energy cancelled plans represent for females. How could they? Both of your wives had kids and jobs. How could they have spent eight hours a day preparing to have sex, or even two or three hours for that matter?
Because women associate the preparations for sex, with the desire to have sex, kind of like guys associate football with beer. Going through the process creates excitement and anticipation. Eventually, women begin to associate sex with work. We associate certain things with certain other things.
When you bought your first house, for example, you probably went out and purchased a new lawn mower. Overall, society promotes the notion that women want to get married and men just want to screw around. So to get what they think they want from men, women assume a lot of work is required. These beliefs have developed into an exciting and challenging game for women—trying to get men to fall in love with, or marry, them.
Striving for something or looking forward to it causes a stimulant effect in the brain. That really pisses me off. Women are screwed up. You know damn well that you and almost every other man play that game repeatedly.
Remember, men acquired much of their sexual and relationship power by creating societies in which females needed them for survival. In the past, marriage served important purposes for both sexes, but it was particularly beneficial, if not crucial, to the survival and financial support of women.
Because of the opportunities available to women today, more and more are beginning to believe that mar- Chapter 3: The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 51 riage is more beneficial to men.
People in government preaching about family values while the media romanticizes marriage only makes things worse. Romanticism may make women want to marry, but it also causes them to leave their husbands. Women today are encouraged to find men who are sensitive and faithful and many are succeeding. The problem is, once a woman realizes that she has found and attained what she was looking for she may become bored as shit.
What the hell do you do after you have obtained everything you ever wanted? Compared to the importance of finding the right man and getting married, everything else in life pales by comparison. For several years a new trend has been developing in malefemale relationships.
In the past, men had the upper hand in marriage. Today the opposite is true. More and more women are recognizing that they, in fact, have the upper hand in marriage, and many of them are abusing that power just as many men abuse theirs. Many women are either knowingly or unknowingly taking on the past roles of men. The more we talk, the angrier I get. You know, I did. But all guys do. Males would have to seek their excitement in another way, just as women will eventually have to seek excitement in some way other than trying to get men to commit to them.
At some point, people grow up. Tracey and I are adults with kids and responsibilities. Those signals are triggering feelings she may not understand. Why do you think Tracey will handle this phase of her life any differently than you handled the corresponding phase in yours? You did. I was a kid! You were a twenty-six year old man with a child and responsibilities.
You need to understand that what you felt back then is pretty similar to what Tracey is probably feeling right now. The difference is you knew you liked to screw around. You knew the feelings you had were natural. Over time, many females lose their desire to have sex with the same partner. That is when they usually change partners. Remember when we were younger, back when your brother was dating Lisa? And every once in awhile he probably was. You have no idea how guilty Lisa felt for ending their relationship.
But she Chapter 3: The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 53 wanted to be with another guy. Your brother would have liked to continue seeing Lisa, while occasionally screwing around on the side. Lisa, on the other hand, thought of herself as a good girl, so when she no longer got high from being with your brother and became attracted to Doug, she dumped your brother. In her mind, your brother was the right guy until Doug came along and then Doug was the right guy. I see women do that all the time.
Women are always trying to trade up! Women are just as likely to trade down. Because of our beliefs, males are more likely to cheat and females are more likely to turn partners.
You never hear about books on how to keep your appetite alive after you get married, do you? The chemicals released in our bodies as a result of frequent and regular contact with our sexual partners are similar to the chemicals released to solidify attachment bonds, including the attachment bonds we develop with our children and siblings. This is why over time, many people feel their spouse is like a brother or sister, or a mother or father, instead of a sexual partner.
Grab the The Chemistry of Love.
Okay, it says: The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement we feel when falling in love, and is quite similar to what happens when we take a stimulant drug. The second, which helps keep people together, is attachment. Attachment has more to do with feelings of security than of excitement. It too has a number of drug analogies, although surprisingly it may have more to do with narcotics than any other drug type.
If this is true, then the feelings we experience in our romantic relationships are in sync with our breeding cycle. Contrary to the popular notion of a sevenyear-itch, people are most likely to divorce in the fourth year of marriage. This four-year-itch is scratched across more than sixty radically different cultures. Yes, it would. So, you did what a lot of people do. You had an affair.
Our instinctual drives can only run our lives because we are denying that they exist. Denying and being ashamed of our animal nature causes a lot of problems. Remember, we have the ability to manipulate our brain chem- Chapter 3: The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 55 istry through our behavior.
So, what can you do, once a woman stops wanting to have sex? Can you change it? Touching can make a big difference because it increases oxytoxin levels, which in turn increase sexual receptivity.
The feeling is familiar to them. Your fear of not being able to sleep actually keeps you awake. They become preoccupied with their disinterest in sex. In the beginning, did you lead her to believe that you might? Would you want to have sex with someone who was threatening to betray you? The desire to have sex becomes obsessive to the one, while the desire not to have sex becomes obsessive to the other.
Eventually, these feelings and behaviors become habitual in the relationship. After the natural feelings of mating dissipate, many couples go on automatic, disconnecting from each other even further. Eventually either the relationship ends or the partners stay in the relationship and seek emotional and sexual connections elsewhere.
And before you start telling me about how much you love Tracey, I want you to remember that the feelings of attachment you have for her are also a part of the mating process. It means that many relationships serve the same purpose as a security blanket does to a child. I hope not. In many marriages, spouses pay very little attention to each other at all.
Women especially seem to make this complaint about their husbands. However, women often treat their husbands like a piece of furniture sitting in the middle of the room that they have to avoid bumping into.
You said something about eliminating sexual pressure, how do you do that? The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 57 as though their husbands wanted to have sex all the time.
Even if their husbands only approached them about sex once a week, they felt sexual pressure on a daily basis. It can be helpful for couples to negotiate and come to an agreement on the frequency of sex as opposed to waiting until both partners feel the desire. But who wants that? What about spontaneity? I set up an appointment each week to get a massage. Not only do I enjoy it, I also look forward to it.
It can be the same with sex, even for couples that have been together for a long time. What you really want is for her to desire you. She probably feels as though having sex with you is her job. Tracey more than likely feels hurt by your lack of understanding. Females know they can lose value for admitting such thoughts. Finish what you were saying about getting rid of sexual pressure.
Designating a specific time to have sex, or a general frequency, takes away the daily feeling of sexual pressure. Not only can non-sexual affection bring back sexual desire, it is also important to our health.
People can get sick from not being touched. People can actually die from lack of human contact. Why do I still want to have sex with her? According to her, she is not happy and wants to separate.
Tracey is my wife. I love her. This is about my wife and kids!
Let me remind you Chapter 3: The Loss of Sexual Desire in Women 59 of something. Do you remember about two years ago, when we went to lunch with your brother? Do you remember what we talked about that day? Of course you think about it. Fear creates the problems. Guilt and denial are what cause urgings to become fixations. For years, you and I have had conversations about this. You have told me time and again that men would prefer to be married while having sex with other women on the side.
When I interview men, I always ask them about this and their eyes light up. They think it sounds like a great idea until I mention that their wives would get to screw around, too.
Listen, I have no desire to sleep with anyone else. Faithfulness gives men a sense of accomplishment, because it goes against their nature. Due to conditioning, women feel just the opposite. Men enter marriage with repressed feelings of guilt, while women enter marriage with repressed feelings of anger. I do feel bad about being unfaithful to my first wife. But Tracey, like a lot of women, may not have made a similar commitment. Instead, she may have just made an assumption— the assumption that she would never desire to be with somebody else.
A conscious decision is very different from an assumption. In order to maintain the fantasy that females are naturally monogamous, society has always denied that females have powerful sexual urges. I want to let some of this sink in. However, like most men, he gets it and then forgets it. Are things better between you and Tracey? Everything is exactly the same. Have you tried talking to her? Yes, I did. She said no, and that was the end of the conversation. Are you saying that she responded in a way that shut down the conversation?
Pretty much. Did you believe she was telling you the truth? When you called yesterday, you said you had some questions for me. What do you want to talk about?
What are they so angry about? Is it the way guys have treated them in the past? Is that what it is? When a woman wants to get married, she will usually overlook a lot, and at times allow herself to be treated pretty badly. After she gets married, not only is the excitement of pursuit over, after a few years of marriage the attraction buzz has dissipated, too.
Some women feel stupid for having wanted it so badly in the first place, especially since marriage probably increased their workload. What are women expecting when they get married?
Females want to wear the dress and have the wedding. Women like the idea of getting married. Many women have looked forward to that day their whole lives, which ultimately sets them up for a huge crash.
Most women are happiest when focused on fulfilling some part of the get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after fantasy. They are content, even in relatively unfulfilling relationships, as long some part of the fantasy is left to play out. First, women focus on getting the man, then they focus on planning the wedding, then they focus on being a good wife and buying and decorating a house, then they focus on having a baby and, finally, they focus on why they wanted all this in the first place.
A woman will behave any way she thinks a man wants her to prior to marriage. Talking to a woman is like playing a game of chess. I wish I could say you are wrong, but I agree with you. Women often petition for more intimacy in their relationships, but many of them have as much difficulty with intimacy as men. Even though many women claim they want to be with men who are open and honest, because of their own problems with intimacy, they often form relationships with men who are emotionally inaccessible.
Instead of choosing men who are interested in developing a relationship, these women choose men who make them feel insecure. Insecurity can create motivation and excitement. Women who seek excitement in their marriages and many do will often forego the possibility of real relationships for the excitement of fantasy relationships. Women fall in love quickly, whereas men fall in love slowly, over a longer period of time.
This makes them more inclined to go after men who are unattainable or unavailable, so they can remain excited for an indefinite period of time. Females want the excitement to last, and for them it does last—until after they have a commitment. However, once they accomplish their goal, the feeling of excitement goes away, which is very disappointing because the excitement was what they wanted and they thought it would last.
Males have similar feelings prior to having sex with females. Unfortunately for men, women tend to end their relationships in the same way they start them, without men ever being the wiser. She may give numerous reasons why she is leaving; however, she is not interested in working on the relationship. She is looking for the feeling of excitement again. After a couple of years of researching this, I realized that what I experienced was textbook behavior, so to speak.
No, you never told me that. I told her I found myself extremely attracted to other men, and I specifically asked her if what I was feeling was normal. What did she say? She said my feelings could be due to needs that were not being met by my husband. However, much later, through my own research, I learned that what I was feeling was quite natural.
Men who marry in their mid-to-late twenties are moving away from their sexual prime, while women of the same age are just reaching theirs. Women who marry in their mid-twenties can experience a biological double-whammy—hitting their sexual prime coupled with the natural waning of sexual desire for their partner.
However, these are just the biological factors. From a psychological standpoint, many women also get hit twice—first by the letdown the occurs when marriage fails to meet their unrealistic expectations, and second by a fear of getting older, which many women experience as they approach thirty. Years ago, at a certain age, women bowed out. They believed the men-look-better-with-age and women-just-look-like-shit mentality that existed until very recently in our culture.
When you take all these things into consideration, the late twenties and thirties can really be more like a quadruple-whammy for women. It should also be common knowledge that women can suffer a similar crisis, only possibly to a greater degree, in their late twenties and thirties.
Men should be prepared for this. Men should know about this prior to getting married. Women and men should know about this prior to getting married. Because it would require that we acknowledge the female sex drive, including the drive to mate with more than one partner. Women have always been told what they like sexually. Did you know Freud encouraged women to have orgasms through intercourse alone, without clitoral stimulation?
I think possibly this misinformation persisted until the s. Can you imagine somebody telling you that the only way you could have an orgasm was if someone stuck a finger in your ass? My point is, we are still uncomfortable with the idea that women really like sex. Females like sex. Chapter 4: Do they want to have sex as often as men do? The biggest difference I have noticed between men and women is that women seem to prefer more sex per episode than men.
For example, if a typical man wants to have sex three days a week, a typical woman is more likely to prefer weekly or twice weekly sex for two to three hours each time. It takes longer for women to become aroused and satisfied. Men in their thirties and up can have a more difficult time reaching orgasm more than once. Women may still be wanting more sex at that point.
You know how men tend to want to go to sleep after they have an orgasm? Most women want to sleep when sexually satisfied, too. Women need to be warmed up for sex with talking and affection, and they also may want to be talked to during sex. Talking and affection are necessary for females to achieve arousal and pleasure. Do women want men to talk dirty to them? Before sex women typically like to connect with men through non-sexual touching and conversation.
However, during sex some women want men to talk dirty to them, or at least to talk in sexual terms. And, of course, for many women desires are contingent upon mood. It just depends on the woman, but one thing is for certain, once women experience the type of verbal stimulation they like, they usually find sex less fulfilling without it.
Yes, most of the women I talked to mentioned how much they liked some type of verbal stimulation during sex. So, women like to have more than one orgasm every time they have sex. Try to remember what you wanted sexually when you were in your teens and twenties.
Men in their thirties and forties tend to be satisfied after having sex while women of the same age are just getting warmed up. Women want talking, affection, foreplay, orgasm, and then more of the same.
They are rarely completely satisfied. Intercourse alone can make a woman feel as though the man is using her to masturbate.
It may also trigger memories of past experiences where she felt used or violated. Some women are not aware of what they like sexually. Those who do know may feel uncomfortable articulating what they want. Why would they feel uncomfortable saying what they want?
They get used to letting males take the lead sexually. Many females also experience negative consequences when they are sexually aggressive. Remember the story you told me about the girl who gave you a blow job in high school?
Your Chapter 4: They tend to be eager to please older women. Perhaps they feel a bit intimidated by their experience. Both are interested in relationships where freedom, independence and orgasms are the top priorities.
Interestingly, there was a point during my research when I suspected that familiarity affected females more than it affects males, not because of their disinterest in having sex with their husbands, but because they were so repulsed by the idea. The men I talked to, although they readily admitted their desire for different sexual partners, whether they were faithful to their wives or not still wanted to have sex with their wives, whereas the majority of the women preferred no sex at all over marital sex.
I found that females tended to like sex with new partners in the beginning of the relationship. It was almost as though a switch was flipped at some point in the relationship that shut off their sexuality. I stayed in contact with a few of the women I interviewed in Stage 1 the loss of sexual desire stage as they moved through the stages.
Many go through a completely non-sexual period. Even women who found sex irritating or painful with their husbands because of vaginal dryness were miraculously cured when a new partner entered the picture. It became a fixation. The stories of the women I talked with were incredibly similar. At some point in their intimate relationships, these females, whether young or old, turned off sexually.
They desired sex in the beginning of relationships and they also loved affair sex. And men were much more likely to prefer intercourse to masturbation, while many of the women said just the opposite.
Really, women would rather masturbate than have sex with their husbands? However, keep in mind that when women allow men to bring them to orgasm, they risk not having one or taking forever to achieve it. No, even then, the process is easily disrupted. When this happens, the intensity of the orgasm often di- Chapter 4: Women feel tremendous pressure to reach orgasm quickly.
When they masturbate, however, most women reach orgasm very quickly, unless they intentionally postpone it to make the experience last longer. So, the pressure not only lengthens the time required to achieve orgasm, it may inhibit orgasm. When it comes to orgasms, many women find masturbation to be just good time management. Whether young or old, many women find sex an absolutely frustrating experience.
Suppose you were getting oral sex from a woman and, right before you were ready to come, she stopped. Imagine the letdown and frustration! This is a common occurrence for females, and it can happen several times during a sexual encounter. Simply put, sex for women can be frustrating, inconvenient, time consuming and messy. But you said that women put a lot more effort into having affair sex than they do having sex with their husbands. Yes, females associate preparations for sex with the desire for sex.
I know, but it seems like it would get old pretty quickly. It seems like affair sex would be even more inconvenient than marital sex. Women typically do not see their affair partners very often, so they continue to get the new-partner, in-love buzz every time. Remember, getting ready for sex is like foreplay for women; they start anticipating the sex long before they ever actually have it.
Anticipating sex in an extra-marital affair produces a stimulant buzz. I gather you no longer think that females have a greater biological aversion to familiarity than males.
For some time I also wondered if the problem women have with marital sex might be linked to the duality issue.
The majority of the women I talked to said that they experienced uninhibited sex with their lovers. Some of the women I talked to were very sexual in the beginning of their marriages.
Yet, these women were choosing to have sex with multiple partners. The women I interviewed gave a variety of reasons for their affairs. Others said they were married to neglectful husbands. At the same time, many women said they were married to great guys. Regardless of the reasons they gave for their affairs, these women all had one thing in common—their desire and participation in extramarital affairs.
This suggests a biological basis, probably triggered by familiarity. However, the word dual means composed of two parts, and our mating feelings are composed of two parts: A few of the women I spoke with recognized that they used their extramarital relationships to create excitement without seriously threatening the security provided by their husbands.
These women had no interest in being with their affair partners on a daily basis because they knew familiarity would diminish their sexual desire and pleasure. And I now know two things for certain. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem?
Details if other: Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Preview — Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley. Women's Infidelity: Are men being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives' extramarital sexual relationships? Get A Copy. Paperback , pages. More Details Original Title. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Women's Infidelity , please sign up.
Lists with This Book. Community Reviews. Showing Rating details. Sort order. Mar 25, Lori rated it really liked it Shelves: The topics of monogamy and in fidelity sexual or emotional , as well as how they are different for men and women, have really interested me ever since I read The Bitch in the House.
Regardless of what type of relationship you're in, regardless of whether you've experienced the situations the author describes on either end , I think there are about to be "a-ha! I don't completely buy all the evolution-based explanations of why some people seek fulfillment outside their partne The topics of monogamy and in fidelity sexual or emotional , as well as how they are different for men and women, have really interested me ever since I read The Bitch in the House.
I don't completely buy all the evolution-based explanations of why some people seek fulfillment outside their partnerships, namely, that women want sperm and men want to give it to them, since I think that the emotional and logical parts of our brains have evolved in such a way as to wield power over baser, more physical instincts. But the author does acknowledge those emotional parts, too This doesn't mean that women "living in limbo" as she puts it are sex addicts any more than they are drug addicts, but that individuals can, well, fall in love with the experience of being in love.
I don't think she phrases it that way, but that's how I understood it. Not scientific, almost in the realm of self-help, but insightful and very revealing about women, monogamy, and how all this works in our patriarchal society. Nov 27, Elena rated it it was amazing. I'm not married and never cheated when in relationship, but I was interested in the subject of infidelity and came across this book.
I really liked it. It answered some questions I had. I also talked to a friend of mine who in fact is married, has problems in her marriage and who cheats on her husband.
I gave her this book to read and she thanked me later. She said this book answered all of her questions and her life has finally started making sense because she, being in her ies with a 20 year I'm not married and never cheated when in relationship, but I was interested in the subject of infidelity and came across this book. She said this book answered all of her questions and her life has finally started making sense because she, being in her ies with a 20 year marriage and 2 kids she didn't understand why suddenly it wasn't enough.
She said she thought she was going crazy. Now she knows why and she knows where its coming from. Her words not mine. Mar 25, Conor Rafferty rated it really liked it. Excellent book, the inside track on a taboo subject. Everybody should read - don't wait until you NEED to read this book: Oct 20, Julissa rated it really liked it.
A very good description about human sexuality in general. I would recommend the book to anyone interested in relationships or in overall human behavior. Sep 14, Adebayo rated it it was amazing. Clears up misconceptions about why women cheat and feel like like cheating on their husbands in marriage!!!! It was well written and very informative.
Mar 31, Kicci rated it it was amazing.